For a New Beginning
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
~ John O'Donohue ~
I first came upon this poem at the time I was first considering international special needs adoption, and it spoke directly to my heart. My life at the time was wholly satisfactory, but what was I doing for others? Not much. What was I doing to make my life-long dream of becoming a mother a reality? Nothing, really. What was I doing out of the ordinary? Nothing at all.
I came upon blogs of other families who were adopting special needs children. "Someday," I told myself.
When I make more money.
When I have a bigger house.
When I'm married.
When the timing is better.
I did my best to put the whole orphan crisis out of my mind.
And yet....and yet.
The emptiness was growing, and I was becoming tired of my "safe" life.
Finally, finally, I stepped onto new ground.
Suddenly I knew:
I make enough money.
My house is big enough.
I can raise a child without a spouse.
{One parent is most certainly better than none.}
If not now...when?
If not me...who?
I have so much to offer a child. Something {or Someone} much bigger than myself has been preparing me for this road for a long time before I ever had any idea this road would be in my future.
So here I am, preparing to adopt a special needs child from Eastern Europe as a single mother.
My destination is not yet clear, but I'm trusting the promise of this opening. It is, after all, at one with my life's desire.
