The Wait (And Jen Hatmaker on Adoption)

My documents are finally in-region being translated. I hope they'll be submitted within a month, and a travel date will come after that. There will be three trips- the first to meet the child and accept the referral, the second for court, and the third for pickup. This time of waiting has so far proven to be the most difficult emotionally and mentally. Things are out of my hands and apart from working two jobs to come up with the needed funds, there's not a whole lot I can be doing right now. I have joined a rotary club, which I think is going to be great. Like-minded individuals, service projects, meeting new people. I also try to see friends at least once a week, which is difficult with my crazy schedule but also needed. And I try to work out 4-5 days a week (ideally I'd like to work up to even more, but for now it's all I can do to aim for 4-5, and I usually only actually make it 3 days a week). There are a couple of days a week I work 16 hours a day, a few 12s, couple of 10s. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new second part-time job. It has been so rewarding so far and is a lovely work environment. I also am going to start selling things on eBay as a third part-time job, but so far that has been the last thing to get up and running! I am exhausted, but it feels good to be able to work hard toward the goal of bringing a child home.

Back in May, Jen Hatmaker had a conversation on her facebook page that I got permission to replicate here. If you don't know who Jen is, check out her blog here. She adopted two older children last year and writes about adoption in a way that just speaks right to me. (You will definitely want to check out her posts After the Airport and How to Be the Village.) Here is a good part of that facebook conversation.

"RAISING MONEY: First off, we are all called to the orphan, and I believe some of us are going to raise the kids, and some of us are going to raise the money. CHURCH, if you are not compelled to adopt, help someone who is. It costs money to pay for prenatal care, international travel, orphanage fees and costs, agency fees (we need our agencies and this is their job), nanny salaries, food and education, lawyers/court costs. IN TERMS OF FUND RAISING: just go crazy. Garage sales, sponsored marathons, grant writing, ABBA Fund loans (interest free, paid off when you receive your tax credit), merchandise sales, anything, everything. The numbers seem so huge, but you can't imagine the miracles God works surrounding the funding of adoption. I've seen it hundreds of times. Money should absolutely NOT be the reason you say no. You need it bits at a time, not all at once, and this is an easy task. Don't forget: adopting families get a 13K tax credit the year after the adoption is finalized, which helps fund at least half of most adoptions.

ON ADOPTING OLDER KIDS: First of all, for the tens of millions of kids over age 5, their chances for adoption drop off severely. The curve falls off steeply. It is such a tragedy, and let us Older Kid Families tell you: they are a joy and delight. They often get vilified, as if they are all predators or serial killers in the making. They are just kids. All alone in this big scary world. Kids like all of our kids and they desperately need us. YES, they come with lots of needs and wounds and fears and baggage. I will never gloss this over, because it is hard, hard work to love a kid back to emotional health. (But if you adopt a baby, his sense of abandonment will come out later...so you're getting it one way or another.) The language barrier is SO NOT A BIG DEAL. Wow, God wired kids' brains for language acquisition. They pick it up so fast, I almost can't remember when they couldn't speak English. The resources and community available to adopting parents is so vast and rich now, you will never be alone in your parenting issues. So many experts and other parents are here to help you raise an older adopted child. You will be heavily resourced and supported if you want to be.

This is one of our big values as well. Caring for the orphan ALSO means making sure as many as possible don't become one in the first place. We have to care about the 170 million already orphaned, and we have to care about the hundreds of millions on the verge of becoming orphans. We have a lot of work to do, people. Maybe this is why Jesus didn't give us a nice, comfortable middle road to travel. Darn Him.

ON THE EXCRUCIATING WAIT/DELAYS: Oh my, I can speak to this. First, forget whatever timeline you were given at the beginning. Forget you ever heard that. Put that in the trash can. Adoption will change, shift, slow down, hit snags, be weird, be difficult, take longer than you think, take longer that you can stand. This will happen. This is the normal thing. When someone gives you a timeline, say, "Thank you for that cute little sentence. Flush." Potential adopters, let me tell you this: Get your "YES" straight at the very beginning. Decide on it. Roll around in it. Put it on the table and shellack it. Because you cannot let every delay and snag derail your certainty about adoption. When you say YES, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "show me a sign" or "this is a sign" or "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage. You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like hell to get them home. So we will. We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but get them home we will."

I couldn't have said it better!